My body aches from sobbing.
I’ve drained more of the poison from inside me.
By speaking the unspeakable I experienced a release like none I’d felt before.
Hidden behind a wall of hurt, fear, tears and tantrums was stillness.
I felt arms holding me.
I cried and cried, letting the tears wash me clean.
Then the demon was standing before me, weakened from the exorcism.
In its place, a presence seeps into my every cell.
Love. Wisdom. Peace. Intelligence. Beauty. Creativity. Joy
I can feel my cells dying their slow death.
The one that takes a lifetime.
It is the way of the flesh.
Mind in every cell.
Birth, life, death, light.
Birth, life, death, light.
How many times have I done this?
Birth, forget. Death, remember.
If you only knew who you really are.
You can cut the hot with sweet but the sugar doesn’t take all the sting away.
Later, when you’ve almost forgotten, the sting gets you again and the sugar can’t help.
I said the word.
Love. I couldn’t take it back.
Or explain it wasn’t like that.
I think I heard his heart stop beating.
I felt the muscles in his body sink like lead balloons.
I heard his mind close and his heart slam shut.
I forgot love means different things to different people.
Maybe for him love was frozen, heavy as lead,
closed off and shut tight.
It made me sad because
for me, love is illuminating light,
like drinking sunshine.
It doesn’t sink; it lifts.
It is friendship,
caring and affectionate
for no other reason than sharing the heart and soul of who and what we really are: LOVE!
JojoVovo 