This might be the last time

I held your essence with me because I knew it might be the last time.

I carried your smell in my nostrils and hoped with each breath that it wouldn’t disappear because I knew it might be the last time.

I held that feeling of ease with which looked into your eyes in that rawest moment because I knew it might be the last time.

I am comforted by the familiar feeling in my soul, like I know you from far away and forever and it made it easier to know this might be the last time.

Exorsism

My body aches from sobbing.
I’ve drained more of the poison from inside me.
By speaking the unspeakable I experienced a release like none I’d felt before.
Hidden behind a wall of hurt, fear, tears and tantrums was stillness.
I felt arms holding me.
I cried and cried, letting the tears wash me clean.
Then the demon was standing before me, weakened from the exorcism.
In its place, a presence seeps into my every cell.
Love. Wisdom. Peace. Intelligence. Beauty. Creativity. Joy

Four Letter Word

I said the word.
Love. I couldn’t take it back.
Or explain it wasn’t like that.
I think I heard his heart stop beating.
I felt the muscles in his body sink like lead balloons.
I heard his mind close and his heart slam shut.
I forgot love means different things to different people.
Maybe for him love was frozen, heavy as lead,
closed off and shut tight.
It made me sad because
for me, love is illuminating light,
like drinking sunshine.
It doesn’t sink; it lifts.
It is friendship,
caring and affectionate
for no other reason than sharing the heart and soul of who and what we really are: LOVE!