I held your essence with me because I knew it might be the last time.
I carried your smell in my nostrils and hoped with each breath that it wouldn’t disappear because I knew it might be the last time.
I held that feeling of ease with which looked into your eyes in that rawest moment because I knew it might be the last time.
I am comforted by the familiar feeling in my soul, like I know you from far away and forever and it made it easier to know this might be the last time.
Juicy sweet spaces in my brain,
too delicious to comprehend.
Beauty and terror in my expansiveness.
Who do you see there?
As the wind blows and the waves crash,
what secrets and shames rot your soul?
In the deepest parts of the ocean
things don’t need eyes, only feeling.
A low rumbling vibration soothes and resonates unseen creatures.
Must you see to believe?
My head splits open
and the memories come.
Can’t you see me?
What effort was I worth?
You gotta take what you can get.
Who could be saved?
Who was going to drown?
Her heart speaks and can’t hide the truth,
“Better you than me, my dear one.”
Joyful news weighs down my heart.
Another mouth to feed;
this will be four.
My dear ones,
I gaze upon you with a heavy heart ashamed of my deepest secrets.
Must I carry the burden of responsibility for these lives?
I provide clothing, food and shelter.
I look upon them with fondness, too,
but still this resentment nags at my gut
Resentment for a lifetime of caring for others.
Mother, brother, sisters
and now a wife and children.
How can I ever be happy carrying this burden?
Only ever happy at work
earning money to provide
for these mouths to feed.
My dear ones,
graduate and get out of my house.
That delicious, delightful, delectable treat can’t talk back,
or make promises and plans.
It is doing what it was made to do:
Make you want it.
My friend, can I tell you?
You don’t have to eat it.
It does not speak to your heart.
Desire is a path that leads to the emptiness of your soul.
Is my treat really just empty calories?
I wish it wasn’t.
I get so close,
I try to bury my face.
I inhale another feast.
Just the scent
turns my soul electric.
First a thought,
then a touch,
finally, a taste…
I surge with the sweetness
as sugar floods my body.
My heart races,
my breath flutters.
A candy shell nearly devoured.
The licks haven’t made it to the center of the tootsie pop.
and if I bite down, it will be gone.
I bury my face again
inhaling as deeply as I can,
until I can’t get one more ounce of breath.
I hold it for a long time.
Behind my eyes
I am a bright shining light.
I see behind yours
and you shine too.
JojoVovo 