Juicy sweet spaces in my brain,
too delicious to comprehend.
Beauty and terror in my expansiveness.
Who do you see there?
As the wind blows and the waves crash,
what secrets and shames rot your soul?
In the deepest parts of the ocean
things don’t need eyes, only feeling.
A low rumbling vibration soothes and resonates unseen creatures.
Must you see to believe?
My head splits open
and the memories come.
Can’t you see me?
What effort was I worth?
You gotta take what you can get.
Who could be saved?
Who was going to drown?
Her heart speaks and can’t hide the truth,
“Better you than me, my dear one.”
Joyful news weighs down my heart.
Another mouth to feed;
this will be four.
My dear ones,
I gaze upon you with a heavy heart ashamed of my deepest secrets.
Must I carry the burden of responsibility for these lives?
I provide clothing, food and shelter.
I look upon them with fondness, too,
but still this resentment nags at my gut
Resentment for a lifetime of caring for others.
Mother, brother, sisters
and now a wife and children.
How can I ever be happy carrying this burden?
Only ever happy at work
earning money to provide
for these mouths to feed.
My dear ones,
graduate and get out of my house.
I felt my mind expanding, my hands tingling and dense.
A hum of vibration slowly moved from my fingertips through my body.
I asked my human self to step out of the way, and I was out of my mind.
The mother told me everything.
It cannot be put it to words.